Life of a small boar

I was doing bible reading few days ago when I came across this;

There are seven things that the Lord hates and cannot tolerate.
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that kill innocent people,
A mind that thinks up wicked plans,
Feet that hurries off to do evil,
A witness that tells one lie after another,
And someone who stirs up trouble among friends.
~Proverb 7:16 – 19~

These verses immediately caught my attention and had me in pensive. I had a brief self inspection, wondering if I had unconsciously fall into any of these pits, for if they are thing that the Lord cannot tolerates, then it wouldn’t do me good to be put in God’s black list.
I don’t mean that I’m totally free from the other six wrong doings, but I believe that the one I’m most guilty of, is the proud look. Not only do I have a proud look, but also a proud heart and thought. It’s no wonder that God had tried numerous times to humble me, but being my conceited self, I was blind to God’s loving lessons.

It all started with an 8A1s and 2B3s for SPM. I know most people will not consider this a bad result, but for me, it was a total disappointment. I expected better of myself. To explain this, I have to start from my early childhood.

I am a very blessed child, given a good brain and learning ability from God. Even now, mom still brags to willing ears how I started walking when I was only 9 months old, when most toddlers were only trying to stand firm on their legs. I graduated with flying colors in kindergarten, bombarded with the teachers’ praises and compliments.

When I was in primary school, I won plentiful competitions for my school. I represented my school in mathematics competition, storytelling competitions, public speaking, reading competition, essay writing competition, short put, netball, and the school prefect. I was labeled one of the school’s gem. Do you believe me if I say I did not getting all smug? Oh, and I obtained straight As for UPSR, the only one from my year among my relatives. Imagine my mom’s delight…. = =

I wasn’t that competitive anymore, when I was in secondary school. I did not take up that many competitions, nor did I study consistently anymore, burning midnight oils only a few days before each examination. However, the Lord blessed me with a good memory and I still did well, keeping my rank in the class within the top ten. My ability for fast learning enabled me to catch up with what the teacher taught in a short time even if I was far behind syllabus near exams. I was very impatient with mates who were slower, and did not understand why some people need a long time to grasp a concept. I was willing to teach others, but get really hot tempered when they don’t get what I was trying to say, because I did not appreciate my quick brain, and did not realize that not everyone was as lucky. By the end of form 3, I obtained another straight As, this time for PMR.

Although I joined Taekwon-do in form 2, it had no significance in my life until I was in Form 4. I was urged by a senior to join the state championship. Willing to give it a go, I started on an intensive training designed by the senior. With only two weeks of proper training, I came home with 3 gold medals and a silver. I was only a blue-belt holder then. Another 5 or 6 levels to black belt, and the lowest color in my category. However, I defeated most higher belt holders to victory. Everything that happened after that was a blur. I was still in daze over my win, and was later hand-picked by the instructor to join the state team’s training, a chance to be in the state team itself for the coming national ranked tournament. A blue belt holder among all those black belts. It was certainly a glorious moment. Taekwon-do turned into a large portion of my life overnight. After 6 months of competitions gruesome training, I was confirmed a place in the state team. Three more months later, I went to my first national-ranked tournament and came back with a gold medal.

All my successes put my head above the clouds. Although I don’t usually show it, I had full confident in whatever I do. Whichever goal I made, I was certain I was capable of achieving it. Yes, I did pray for God’s blessing before each test or competitions. I knew it was by God’s grace that my path was smooth. However, there were this tiny voice in my head that kept telling me that I was proficient, and very capable. I was proud. I knew these were all God’s blessings, but I was proud of even that, proud to have God’s blessing because I believed that God don’t just choose anyone to pour His blessing on. I was proud to be chosen.

So when I was on my way to school that morning, to see our SPM result, I was positive that I will attain another set of straight As. Therefore, for the first time in all those years, I was crushed. It felt like a race where I was leading and it was just a few meters to the finish line when I tripped over a small rock and fell face down. You wouldn’t see much impair, but it was down right embarrassing and and pride hurt big time.

That was God’s first attempt to humble me, but I did not learn, until much later.