Life of a small boar

Today, I took the ring down from my finger and wear it instead on my necklace. Without the feel of that stainless steel's coldness between my fingers, it felt a little odd. Although it is no longer there, where it had rested for the past year, it will still be near to my heart. And I believe firmly that someday, it will go back to where it belongs.

Playing with my bare fingers, I realised that I have not fully recovered from the injury I got from basketball weeks ago. Like you know fully well, yes, I have been neglecting it, not applying medicine to it like I should. Perhaps tonight, before bed, I will put some oilment to it.

I spent most of the time in class today wondering how you're doing in class. I have to keep reminding myself why we made this decision. At a phase where we could no longer go forward nor turn back, we had to do something. Reading your blog made me feel so sorry that I put you through so much pain. But like you said, I believe in what the future holds.

It doesn't make much sense to me that I seem to miss you more today. For the first time in many weeks, I actually wonder what you have been doing, how has your day been and if you're okay.

Going through classes, getting on with life, I realised just how much things I had wanted to tell you. I've started on the project Mr Patrick gave me. It's not easy. I was bitten by an insect today. It stings. Khairani played with Shan Shan few days ago. It annoyed me. I am somehow more protective of it than of Xixi and Lele. I don't know why I didn't tell you then.

Nothing make sense to me. Yes, I still believe that this decision was necessary, I just didn't know that it'll hurt this much.

I don't understand. I guess I never will.

Once, a friend asked if I would ever consider you as the special one, I firmly said no with the reason that it's pathetic to fight for your attention with the square box that sits in front of you all day. The one you'll never get tired of seeing, the you'll always pay full attention to when in your companion, the one who sits firmly in that important place in your heart. No, I decided then it would be damn sad that you should give more time to it than me.

Later I thought you changed. I was moved and accepted you. You were so gentle, always full of ideas and laughter. You claimed to give it all up for me. I was the happiest girl on Earth, or so I thought. Real naive of me. That square box remains the only thing you're interested in, the one you won't even let me touch at times, and the one who cause you to brush my hands irritably away on occasions. What is this? Aren't guys supposed to be abit more outdoor? Or am I destined to seek for activities companions myself while you indulge in your own cyber world?

It annoys me, your lack of interest in the world and in general knowledge. It annoys me that you hide behind the language barrier you built yourself. It annoys me that you keep asking for time and I see nothing. It annoys me that you don't have a goal to move forward to.

I know what you're capable of. I was so proud of you. I know you have good attention span, which is not reserved for me. You want only to see me when you're in the mood. I guess you're always in the mood for your little world, and I'm only second to it. How I wish to smash it into the wall, into millions of pieces, to have you wake up and take a look at the world. But how can I take it away from you, when it is basically your whole world?

All I want is for you to have more life in you, and for myself to be able to rely on you. I guess it is just too much to ask? What am I? Who exactly are you? Are you the one I danced with in the park under the stars? It was so long ago, I kind of forget how you feel like.

I waited for you to turn around
I wished for loving gaze
I longed for your protective embrace

At times I fell, I sobbed
and yearned for your out-reached hands.
As time and coldness proved your absence, I learnt
to stand up and wipe my own tears.

Once I thought I found the one,
Once I believed in perfection,
Once I know no heartache,
I was the luckiest girl alive.

I wanted to call it quits.
Days of indifference I'd endure no more.
I knew the passion that I had lost some times ago
can no longer be rekindled.

I was tired,
tired of running to you,
tired of being turned away,
tired of waiting,
tired of hoping,
tired of making all the effort
but end up instead with dullness in
my own spirit and soul.
It was over.

You surprised me with your will to hang on
You, who seldom make any decision
You, who let me take the lead always
You, who were passive in making plans
You, who prefered a laid-nack relationship

I was moved,
At least I still mean something to you
How much and how far are you willing to go for us?

It is my turn to watch, and
your turn to run after me........

Days have been hectic, as expected of UTP life. Last week's Melodious Rendezvous was wonderful. Although only half of the hall if filled, 1000 is quite a big group of audience. Here are some photos...

Hmmm.... this wasn't what I planned to post this morning, but since the internet is so slow that I couldn't upload any pics, I decided to do this instead >.<

Tagged by Lee Shing, had to blog 8 Points About My Perfect Lover
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. The tagged victims have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there’s no need to do this AGAIN.
5. Lastly, most importantly, HAVE. FUN. DOING. IT.

Okie, straight to the point.
*The points are given randomly and not ranked. So the first is not the most important and vice versa. Because I find all these points important!!!

1# He MUST be taller than me. No matter how cute or good looking the guy is, if he's less than 5cm taller than me, he loose all appeal. I must be able to 'look up to him' physically ba.....

2# He must be hug-able, with body built slightly bigger than mine, so he can wrap me in his embrace when I need to lean on him. Skinny guys are a real turn-off.

3# He must be able to make me laugh/smile, especially when I'm stressed. I'm easily pressured when I'm loaded with tons of work, so he must be able to ease my strain.

4# He should seem high and mighty to the world, but must be willing to do stupid and crazy stuff with me, because that's the life I enjoy, to be impulsive, naughty and adventurous. He needs to be mature, but willing to do immature stuff with me. I find that real sweet =)

5# He must be able to connect or mix with my best friends. My gang is very important to me.

6# There are times that I can be really stubborn, naive, ignorant, or just feel like throwing tantrum. He needs to be able to tolerate with that and knows that I still love him. Love me with all your heart and I'll love you more than that.

7# Musical involvement. Actually, this is not a must, but it is a super bonus marks if he can play any musical instrument, preferbly a guitar. There's nothiing like a guy dedicating a song to you on the stage, singing and playing the guitar himself. Or composing a song for me. Will really sweep me off my feet.

8# Must be God-fearing. Naturally, he has to be a Christian. Our relationship must bring both of us closer to God and we must walk on God's path.

Tag-tag-tag..... tag who? *evil grin*
1. Edrea!!!(I've sure you can write a beautiful post on this *.^)
2. Liaw
3. Mei Ling
4. Jess(since you haven't done it after lee shiing's tag, i'll tag you again =P)
5. Joan
6. Merlvyn(only guy in the tag. see how your taste differ from the gals ^.^)
~no more people to tag la.... that's all la...~ hehe

see the cream oozing out like there's endless?? yumm...

Its finger licking good =D

We were too busy eating in the begining we forgot to take pics of the first few donut bites. still, you saw how good they are =) Later, we went to watch forbidden Kingdom. It was kinda 'fei' but I like it, and the sceneries were very nice. Very magical. Li Bing Bing and Liu Yi fei were gorgeous. So I had a great time. Good break for this stressful period =)

Went to Green Box with Keat How yeasterday. His first time to ktv. My second. =)
It was fun. We had lots of drinks. Ribena, Laici, Soda, Coke, Vanilla coke... and I don't remember what else. We had lots of snacks too. At the end of the 3 hours, our throats were so sore my voice croaks as I speak. Well, we had to make every cents count, don't we? =)

For as long as I remember, he had refused my every invitation to ktv. He doesn't sing much, even when it's just the two of us. So yesterday was quite an achievement. =P It wasn't that high at first, with only me SS - ing, but he got the hang of it =D It was really enjoyable.

I had a great day, dear =) hugs hugs...... I know it's a big step for you. Cause you're soooo conservative, old man!!! hehe... (people might thought you're 10 years older than me, now.. hohoho)

I read an article published in The Star yesterday.

There is now an infectious idea in America about writing a life story in just six words. It's rather interesting, how much someone can express in just six words. It also reflects the most important or private moments and feelings in ones' life, as they're allowed only six words.

Lots of tales told, with different genre. Some were funny, some were sad. Some with hints of regrets, others with thirst for more in life.

~Not quite what I was planning.~
~In and out of hot water.~
~Carbohydrates call my name everyday.~
~Fell in love. Married. Divorced. Repeat.~
~More sex would have been nice.~
~Climbed mountains, didn't like the view.~

The last was expressed by a 23-year-old marketing personal who explained.
"It's a reflection of my goals. Once I accomplished them, it didn't feel as great."

It makes me ponder, how can I best sum up my life in just six words? There are so much to tell, where should I start, which should I use? After a period of soul-searching, I came up with this.


*His precious girl, cared, loved, held.*

'His' in this sixer refers to three different individuals who gave, give and will give me the same yet most essential things in my life.

The first, perhaps I should not have refer to as an individual. He is one, yet three. He's here, yet everywhere. He knows me personally, but so does Him - everyone else. He's our dearest Father in heaven, the Lord. He knows me even before I was born. His love for me was individual, planned my life before I was even formed in my mother's womb, and held me steady at times when I stumble. The Lord's love on the cross was so vast, poured onto the world for everyone, yet is still special for me, everlasting. His touch is constant, He holds me at all time, when I just started learning something, when I failed and fell, when I was wounded, when I was over-excited, when I was blinded with worldly possessions and needed holding back, He is by my side, with a warm embrace.

The second refers to my earthly father, who planned my birth 10 years after the arrival of his previous child. He willed for me to be born, so I was delivered into this world cushioned by his love. No fall was ever too pain, no hurt was ever too great when I was growing up because he was always there for me. He never put me down when I was beaten by an obstacle, but helped me up and encouraged me not to give up. he believed in me, helped built my confidence, gave me freedom to try new things, supported the path I chose for myself and trusted my judgments. As a child, I had nothing to fear, for I know my father is with me. Whenever things got too harsh outside, I can always go home.

The last mirrors a beautiful dream of a very fortunate girl. A hope and faith in finding a man who id willing to spend the rest of his life caring, loving and holding me safe, whom in return will let me love and care for him. I believe my heavenly Father had prepare for me the one, and I anticipate it.


So what's your story? Come join the phenomenon of the sixer. Tell your story. We're interested =)

Once, you made my heart flutter with your every smile
Once, you lit my smile with your twinkled eyes
Once, your very presence gave me comfort and contentment
There was nothing I wanted more than to sit with you,
talk to you, look at you, hold your hands, see your smile, hear your laughter
Once, my heart was all yours,
the pleasure when you brushed your lips against mine was so contagious
it spread to the tip of my fingers.
Once, you made my soul so full it was a joy giving you all I had

But you couldn't hold up
You said my love was too much you couldn't savor it
My chatters too long it burnt your ears
My excitement too overbearing it tires you
My companion endlessly bore you off

You said you love me but it was just too much
I gave too much
I asked too much
Too much of your time, your attention, your love

I'm tired
Tired of expecting, of waiting, of anticipating
Tired of disappointing, and being disappointed
Is this worth striving for?

This was actually written several weeks ago. In the midst of life, chasing the standard set by the world and endlessly striving to fulfill our own expectations, we failed to grasp what's most important. At times of grief and tears, we blamed each other and ourselves when we couldn't find ways to our problems and core to our pain. We almost gave up when nothing seems right. We had forgotten the one savior who had been pateintly waiting for us to turn ourselves to Him, to let Him take our loads. At the deepest pit of our relationship, God talked to us and reminded us the must do in a relationship. To walk together in the light of God. To grow closer to Him, and we shall grow closer to each other. In His embrace, He shall take care of whatever needed to be taken care of. Our path took a new turning from there. There is still squabble every now and then but we know things are going to be alright because he will be leading us. A third party who is most welcomed and a must presence in a relationship =)