Life of a small boar

Today, I took the ring down from my finger and wear it instead on my necklace. Without the feel of that stainless steel's coldness between my fingers, it felt a little odd. Although it is no longer there, where it had rested for the past year, it will still be near to my heart. And I believe firmly that someday, it will go back to where it belongs.

Playing with my bare fingers, I realised that I have not fully recovered from the injury I got from basketball weeks ago. Like you know fully well, yes, I have been neglecting it, not applying medicine to it like I should. Perhaps tonight, before bed, I will put some oilment to it.

I spent most of the time in class today wondering how you're doing in class. I have to keep reminding myself why we made this decision. At a phase where we could no longer go forward nor turn back, we had to do something. Reading your blog made me feel so sorry that I put you through so much pain. But like you said, I believe in what the future holds.

It doesn't make much sense to me that I seem to miss you more today. For the first time in many weeks, I actually wonder what you have been doing, how has your day been and if you're okay.

Going through classes, getting on with life, I realised just how much things I had wanted to tell you. I've started on the project Mr Patrick gave me. It's not easy. I was bitten by an insect today. It stings. Khairani played with Shan Shan few days ago. It annoyed me. I am somehow more protective of it than of Xixi and Lele. I don't know why I didn't tell you then.

Nothing make sense to me. Yes, I still believe that this decision was necessary, I just didn't know that it'll hurt this much.

I don't understand. I guess I never will.

Once, a friend asked if I would ever consider you as the special one, I firmly said no with the reason that it's pathetic to fight for your attention with the square box that sits in front of you all day. The one you'll never get tired of seeing, the you'll always pay full attention to when in your companion, the one who sits firmly in that important place in your heart. No, I decided then it would be damn sad that you should give more time to it than me.

Later I thought you changed. I was moved and accepted you. You were so gentle, always full of ideas and laughter. You claimed to give it all up for me. I was the happiest girl on Earth, or so I thought. Real naive of me. That square box remains the only thing you're interested in, the one you won't even let me touch at times, and the one who cause you to brush my hands irritably away on occasions. What is this? Aren't guys supposed to be abit more outdoor? Or am I destined to seek for activities companions myself while you indulge in your own cyber world?

It annoys me, your lack of interest in the world and in general knowledge. It annoys me that you hide behind the language barrier you built yourself. It annoys me that you keep asking for time and I see nothing. It annoys me that you don't have a goal to move forward to.

I know what you're capable of. I was so proud of you. I know you have good attention span, which is not reserved for me. You want only to see me when you're in the mood. I guess you're always in the mood for your little world, and I'm only second to it. How I wish to smash it into the wall, into millions of pieces, to have you wake up and take a look at the world. But how can I take it away from you, when it is basically your whole world?

All I want is for you to have more life in you, and for myself to be able to rely on you. I guess it is just too much to ask? What am I? Who exactly are you? Are you the one I danced with in the park under the stars? It was so long ago, I kind of forget how you feel like.